Dear Santou,

I was recently diagnosed with cancer, and I’m struggling to come to terms with it. I’m 42 and have a loving husband and an eight your old child. The diagnosis has turned my world upside down, and I feel overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty – not only for my future but my child’s future without me to guide her. I’ve always dreamed of raising a child and this doesn’t seem fair.

I’m finding it hard to focus on anything, especially at work. And I feel disconnected from my usual support systems, such as my family and work colleagues because they don’t seem to understand how scared I am. They just dismiss my concerns with ‘cheer up’ platitudes. I guess they are in denial and don’t want to consider the possibility that I may not be around for much longer.

I feel lonely in this experience because no one is willing to have an honest conversation with me where the outcome won’t be so cheery.

How can I cope with this diagnosis and find some peace amidst the chaos in my mind and life?

Sincerely,
Terrified, 42, California

Dear Terrified,

I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Facing cancer is incredibly challenging, and it’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed and scared. Here are some steps you can take to help you cope and find some peace during this difficult time:

1. Seek Support: Connect with loved ones who can offer emotional support. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a therapist with experience of working with cancer or End-of-Life patients who can provide a listening ear and understanding, such as www.griefsupport.co/

2. Educate Yourself and Others Around You: Knowledge can be empowering. Learn about your specific type of cancer and the treatment options available to you. This can help you feel more in control of your situation. Share this info with others in your family or work community because they may not know how to support you. Here is a free resource that you can pass on to them to help them understand the process and how they can support you – www.griefsupport.co/hope/

3. Take Care of Your Body: Focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle by eating nutritious foods, staying active as much as you can, walking frequent in nature, such as your local park, and getting enough rest. Your body needs to be as strong as possible to fight the cancer.

4. Join a Support Group: Sharing your experiences with others who are going through similar struggles can be incredibly comforting. Consider joining a cancer support group where you can connect and talk with others facing the same challenges.

5. Consider A Therapeutic Writing: If you don’t fancy the idea of talking in a group, consider joining a cancer or health loss writing group. Writing can be a powerful tool for processing emotions and finding clarity. There is a health loss writing group membership that I am aware of which offers a unique opportunity to cope with your diagnosis through writing, and sharing with others is optional.

You can find out more here – tiny1.org/scwriting

Taking part in such a group could provide you with emotional relief and a sense of community, helping you navigate through this difficult journey with more support and understanding.

Remember, it’s important to be gentle and kind to yourself and take things one day at a time. Your feelings are valid and provide an important source of information. Seeking out resources and support can make a significant difference.

Best of wishes,
Santou