OH, yay, it’s a new year!
Time for New Year’s resolutions, right?
WRONG!
However, since a resolution is a goal, and goal setting is important and helps us plan our lives, I wanna talk about vacations!
If there’s one piece of advice I was offered about the new year that I love to use and share, it’s this:
The first thing you do is plan out vacations – at least once a quarter.
You must prioritize time for you above all else, above any other business and personal obligations, whether you are in business for yourself or working for someone else.
However, if we choose to take our vacation, we must offer ourselves time for celebration and rejuvenation!
And now let’s plan a vacation!
I’ll use Hawaii as an example since I’m from the land of 10,000 lakes, and right now – they’re all frozen.
Ok, Hawaii is chosen because you’ve never been before.
You wanted to get there someday, and you’ve been told it’s great.
Ok, good start, and you can look at where you want to go and what you want to do, and also, let’s look at how you want to feel on your amazing Vacay.
What if O’ahu is the place for you, with its high energy and diverse population, where you enjoy a little bit of everything?
Or, instead, what about Kauai?
Is the lusher island with a distinctly laid-back vibe, lots of beaches, hiking, and a slower pace just what you’re looking for?
Both sound amazing, and either choice will be fantastic!
Yet, if I just pick Hawaii by default – relying on the limits of a vague autopilot (two words I feel do not belong together) you can’t get to the place you’d love the best, you’ll just get to…, a place. It might be ok, but will it be what you want?
Most goal setting is like trying to fly a plane in vague autopilot mode; it’s almost like flying blind – NEVER a good idea!
You could type in Hawaii in the plane GPS, but it can’t really get off the ground.
You just typed in a word.
Even if the plane does manage to take off, it can only land on a guess, and worse yet, during the flight, now you’ve got time to think about what’s not going right, what you don’t want.
Without a clear goal to feel into at any time and no help from the silent, vague autopilot you chose by default to take you, you’re left with your own thoughts.
And as a Positive Intelligence coach, I can tell you most of those thoughts won’t be positive.
Because these thoughts keep your goal tied to the plane itself, the method of getting you there – negative thoughts can easily pop up – planes have turbulence – bad smells – cramped seats – and people behaving badly.
(Hey, it happens)
Now you’re feeling miserable, wondering who would ever want to travel to Hawaii- this trip sucks! “I should’ve stayed home – it’s taking too long – my feet are falling asleep – the line to the bathroom’s endless – my monitors on the fritz – it’s too cold in the cabin – how could they run out of orange juice – I can’t see a thing out the window – what a waste of time and money…” oh I think you get the picture.
And yet…
What if we could transcend all that and enjoy the flight knowing this is just a moment in time, and there are gifts to be found- a new conversation – time to read/enjoy a movie – the anticipation of the beverage cart?
We can be happy where we are now AND know we’re gonna arrive at that specific isle locale, and it will be amazing because we chose the best pilot and crew.
A pilot who greets you as you cabin and lets you know about any turbulence, a crew who lets you know when the beverage cart will arrive and can offer a blanket and where to go once you leave the plane.
When you exit the plane, and the flowers are placed around your neck, and you see the private shuttle driver with a sign with your name on it in one hand, and offers you a refreshing beverage with the other, you’ll celebrate once more your realized goal!
That is the better version – a vacation destination with clarity, and whether it’s Kauai or O’ahu, this is where you feel the most excited, the most intrigued, and the most determined to be! When you have a way of thinking that aligns smoothly and joyfully with how you want to feel in the moment, then you will be able to create new goals that make sense to you, and your plane will land not only where you wanted it to, but when you land you say, “Oh wow this even better than how I imagined it!”
, his is why I‘m not for New Year’s resolutions – so often they fail, not because we didn’t try and we’re bad in some way, it’s that they’re often created from a place of where we are now and where we’ve been (and failed) before. They’re usually driven by a judgmental way of thinking. They almost have built-in saboteurs to bring us down and ruin our resolutions, only to grudgingly think, ”Well, maybe next year.”
Why does this happen year after year?
I have a thought: If we tend to think about where we don’t want to end up, the problem is, that’s where we’ll end up.
Plus, there are endless places where not to end up.
We’re creating a goal from a place we don’t want to end up, so off we go with vague autopilot of negative thoughts.
Wouldn’t it be better to travel in a positive style, with thoughts that encourage and support our dream goal?
I say yes!
Now, let’s take a few minutes (pretend we’ve landed and are taxiing to our gate) as we look at the iconic oxygen mask metaphor.
We’ve all heard a variation of: “In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from overhead. Please place the mask over your own nose and mouth before helping others.”
I know it’s a frequently used and well-loved example to give yourself self- care. Now I finally know why this has not set right with me as a metaphor for self-care and why I’m tying it in with goal setting:
WHY is the mask there?
- Because there is an emergency!!!
- We are now in crisis mode!!!
Is that when we want to start to offer ourselves self-care?
When the stress has gotten us to a breaking point?
It’s not the best place to set goals. — Ever.
So, here’s what I suggest:
With goal setting, let’s create from a place of delighted Vacay planning, when we give ourselves time in the present moment to make a fun goal for the future.
Offer yourself time to plan and to feel what it will be like when you reach the goal. Yes, a moment to lean back and dream of what you truly want.
Not from a feeling that things could possibly go wrong (and at some point, I might need an oxygen mask.)
From a place of “Yes, this is what I want, and I can’t wait to get there!” This is why I love to connect with and support women in business and have families: to help them discover a goal that feels right. I love being a positive intelligence coach and a goal-setting travel agent!
Together we can discover how you’d love to plan your dreamy vacation/your goal in a way that keeps you focused on the destination while enjoying the journey.
I want you to have a fantastic adventure where you can say to yourself, “Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight!”
